Justin's Blessing!

We were able to finally bless Justin at church this past Sunday. We were so thrilled to be able to do this. We were also thrilled that we were able to bless him on Easter Sunday. Chad gave a beautiful prayer, and Justin looked adorable all in white.

Our Little Miracle (Part I)

Chad and I first started looking into the foster to adopt program in May of 2010. We had been on the list with LDS Family Services for about 6 months, and felt like this would add one more avenue for us to add to our little family.

We attended classes every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of June, learning about the families and children who are served by the foster care program. We opted to participate in the fost to adopt program. This program allows foster parents to adopt the children they have fostered if the children’s parents rights are either terminated, or the parents relinquish their parental rights to the child.

We went through extensive background checks and several interviews. There’s nothing quite like auditioning for the role of parent! We were thrilled to find that we passed with flying colors, and indeed could become foster parents. After several additional hoops and paperwork, we were finally given the official stamp of approval in early September.

Chad and I had been told that we most likely would not receive a child in our home right away. We had been specific on our paperwork, and felt that an infant between the age of 0-1 would be the best fit for our family. We were prepared to wait for quite a while. The social worker said she would be surprised if anything were to happen before February 2011 at the earliest.

October 15th started out as any other day. Right before taking Tate to school we said a quick family prayer. It was my (Lindsay) turn to say it. I don’t know why, but I specifically asked that we receive a call that day for a baby to join our family. I think maybe I was being a little impatient and bossy! I decided that if I had faith, and if it was the right thing for our family at that time, that the Lord would bless us with a baby. That day.

Around 2:45pm on October 15th the phone rang. I was in the basement and thought “this is DCFS.” Then I of course thought how silly I was being. Surely it wasn’t DCFS. I checked the caller ID and it was just a regular old phone number. I sighed, then picked up the phone. The man on the phone asked for me, and then went on to explain that he was the on-call caseworker for the weekend. He explained that a baby was in the NICU at Intermountain Medical Center, and was scheduled to be released on Sunday, and needed a family to go home to. Were we interested? I said “of course!” And then remembered from our classes that we should always ask for the details first to makes sure it would be a good fit for our family. There was no way I was going to rescind my enthusiastic first response, but I did decide some details would be good--like whether I was going to be taking pink or blue with me to the hospital!

It turned out that blue would continue to be the theme at the Goeckeritz house! The baby was a little boy named Justin. He was 4 weeks old, but had been born 8 weeks early on September 17th, 2010.

Tate was right next to me during this phone call (Max was asleep.) With tears in my eyes I asked him if he remembered what we had asked for in our prayer that morning. We talked about it for a minute, then I explained who had just called and why.

Chad only works until 3pm on Friday’s, so he pulled into the driveway not long after I hung up with the social worker. I bounced out to his car and asked if he wanted a baby. He looked at me incredulously, and asked “seriously?” I breathlessly re-capped the phone call with the social worker.

After a couple of hours we were given permission to go to the hospital and meet Justin. Grandma Janet took the boys to her house for the evening so we could be with Justin. We were nervous at the hospital as we scrubbed up to go into the NICU. We had no idea what to expect. What we found was a beautiful 4 lb. little boy with big gorgeous eyes wrapped up in the blanket. We walked into his room and just looked at him. He had several wires protruding from his blanket, and we assumed we would not be able to hold him. Luckily we were wrong! The nurse gently lifted him and placed him into my arms. I knew at that moment that this little boy was meant to be with our family. I didn’t know for how long, but I knew I would love him forever, regardless of whether he stayed with us or not.

Daddy meets Justin

Mommy meets Justin

Our teeny, tiny babe

Sweet, sweet, boy!

Coming Home

Holding onto Daddy

Sweet, sweet, baby

Love this face!

We spent the next two days in the NICU, and then were able to take Justin home. While at the hospital the doctor’s told us that Justin had a condition called Neutropenia, and would need to see the Hematology/Oncology department at Primary Children’s Medical Center. We scheduled the appointment, and then headed home with our tiny little guy.

Justin's Hospital Room

Before we could go home, Justin had to have a "carseat check." We had to make sure he could maintain is oxygen and heartrate levels in the carseat.

Justin in his "going home" outfit

Our house, already for Justin!

Justin was so tiny! His little face was so delicate and small. He had long tapered fingers (Great-Grandma Helen say’s that is so he can play the piano!) Justin didn’t cry, even when hungry. We were told that we would need to always set an alarm so we would get up at night to feed him. I generally set two...just in case we missed one.

When we brought Justin home, Tate and Max were so excited. They both couldn't wait to see him. Tate was a little more interested than Max in helping to care for the baby. They are both good helpers, and love their little brother. Our families all came over to see Justin, and were so helpful in bringing meals and gifts to help us as we started this new adventure.

Reality Check

On Thursday of that next week, I was scheduled to take Justin to Magna for a visit with his birth mother. That morning I packed up Justin and his diaper bag and headed out. When we arrived at the DCFS office, I gave them instructions on how Justin liked to be held, and the best way to feed him. And then I had to leave.

It was one thing to learn in a class about the emotional aspect of being a foster parent, but it does not even come close to the actual thing. I wondered just what exactly we had gotten ourselves into. What sort of crazy people volunteer their hearts and time to care for and become attached to an infant that isn't their's and most likely never will be? Oh, us.

I left the DCFS office with a sense of extreme anxiety. Suddenly the magazines I had brought to leisurely read had simply become words on a page that I really didn't care about. I sat in a McDonald's parking lot drinking a coke and ticking by the minutes.

I was finally able to go back to DCFS office and pick up Justin. I was able to meet with the caseworker and with Justin's birthmother for about an hour. His birthmother expressed her fear that we would try and "take away her baby, and adopt him." I assured her that this was not our purpose. Our purpose was to take good care of him, and provide him with the love of a family while she made the changes that she needed to. I told her we were not here to take away the baby, but to give him a good life until she was able to provide it for him. I meant every word, but I did still wish he was ours forever, and not just a little while. Justin's birthmother expressed her gratitude, and then left.

I left the office and took Justin back to our house with a somewhat heavier heart than I had arrived with.

Hospital Visit 1

We enjoyed every day and night for the next week of caring for Justin. 7 days after bringing Justin home, we noticed that he was not eating well. I randomly decided to take his temperature, even though he didn't feel the slightest bit warm. I got a reading of 94.7, and thought there was no way that was right. I took it several more times and got the same result. I decided to call the pediatrician to see what they suggested. I was told to immediately get in the car and go the ER at Primary Children's. I did this, thinking the whole way that I probably just didn't have him in enough layers, and the poor kid was probably just cold. He was wrapped in blankets in his carseat and I had the heater up to 85. I was sure that when we got to the hospital that they would say "silly girl, he's just fine." Ha! I wish! We got into the ER and they took his temperature--it had dropped to 94.1 He was immediately taken to a room with warming lights and had a swarm of doctor's, nurses, respiratory therapists, and other professionals in the room. A full workup was ordered--urine analysis, fecal analysis, blood work, and lumbar puncture. I think I was in shock. I knew how sick our little guy was, because the only time he cried, or really even moved was when they did the lumbar puncture (spinal tap). He barely even moved when they put an IV in his tiny head, and another one in his foot. I quickly called the caseworker to let her know where we were, and see if we needed to have permission for anything. As foster parents, we cannot sign for any medical procedures. This is a huge pain when you have a sick kiddo! Then I called Chad and he was able to come up. The results of the lumbar puncture indicated that Justin had Meningitis--though we weren't sure at this point if it was viral or bacterial. He was put on large doses of several broad coverage antibiotics to start treating any possible bacterial infection.

After what felt like days in the ER, we were transferred to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). They monitored Justin until the next morning, and decided that he was doing well enough to be transferred to the Infant Med/Surg Unit. Throughout this entire stay, Justin had what is a called "apneic events." This means he would completely stop breathing for significant periods of time. We spent the next 8 days enduring test after test as they tried to figure out the cause of the apnea. It was eventually determined that Justin had mild reflux, and that when the contents of his tummy would back up into the esophogus, he would stop breathing to protect his airway. He was put on Zantac, and the problem went away. We were so thrilled to go home after 9 days!

During Justin's time in the hospital, I also went to the first court date that was set to discuss his case. I had no idea what to expect from this. All that happened at this first court appearance was that the judge determined that Justin's placement with DCFS, and consequentially with us, was justified and necessary for the time being. The whole experience shook me. I was torn. We loved this sweet little baby in our care, and wished with all our hearts that he could be ours. At the same time, we knew that by wishing that he was ours, we were also wishing for his birth mother to fail. This is absolutely not what we wanted! We were concerned for her, and wanted her to be able to turn her life around. We finally decided on what we called "option 3." We prayed that if it was Heavenly Father's will, and would be best for Justin, that his birth mother would choose to place him with us through adoption, rather than having to have her rights "terminated."

Halloween

While Justin was in the hospital, we were also trying to keep things fun and exciting for the big boys at home. It was halloween time, so we had lots of fun halloween parties and Tate's first halloween parade.

It was hard for the boys to have us be gone so much, so we tried to be involved as much as possible with them when we were at home.

Justin Chad Goeckeritz!

It is official! On Monday, March 21st we went as a family to the Matheson Courthouse downtown and were able to officially adopt our sweet baby Justin. He is now Justin Chad Goeckeritz, and we are thrilled!!

I am still working on his full story...it is long, but I promise to hurry!